I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
