so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
