I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize