Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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