i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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