this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ruined the universe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
