Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
