That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
