ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize