She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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