We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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