So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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