i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
