I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize