I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
