Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize