he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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