I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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