from now on my penis is your penis
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
