I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
