Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
