i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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