No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
