ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize