Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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