dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
