The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize