The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He passed out mid-signature
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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