I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
