just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
