Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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