i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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