Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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