Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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