i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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