But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
