That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
