Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
