Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize