: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
