sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
