Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
