she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
