I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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