On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
