i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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