Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
worst night to have a conscience
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
