"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize