I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
