So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize