I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
