you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
