That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
