i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
