if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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