somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nutella sex= disaster
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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