Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im six kinds of drunk right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
