i would punch a child for taco bell
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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