Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
