The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
