Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
