hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
