i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
