So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
