is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
