I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
