If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
