drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
