I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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