he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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