I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
