She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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