She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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