So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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