so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
