I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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