At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
