And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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