I just pynch a tree in the face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
