You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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