Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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