she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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