Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
