I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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