found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
