dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
