Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
