My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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