You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've blown a few things in my day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
