God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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