I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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