Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm passing your future prison.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
