we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
