Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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