Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
