she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
