i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
