ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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