So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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