He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize