worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish my penis had a tongue
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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