Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
