Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
