Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
