I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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