I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
